Captain’s Log.
Star Date: -298446.0763572658
Our crew has been observing the cult of the “Planet Earth SEO Experts” for some time, and we have reached the conclusion that a great many of them appear of lower-than-average intelligence.
This is manifested not only through the fact that many of them still worship antiquated religions like “LSI Keywords,” “Two Hundred Ranking Factors,” or “Flat URL Structures;” it is also evidenced by their rigid, voodoo-like belief that the practice of Negative Search Engine Optimization (NSEO) is solely restricted to the ritualistic building of low-quality links to a target website. Their expectation is that this will somehow convince Goggle, the local Deity of Information Retrieval to frown upon their victim, and consign it to the nether regions of its realm, commonly referred to as “Pahje Tooh.“
Such primitive faith-structures are of course ridiculous in light of the advanced knowledge possessed by long-term practitioners of interstellar travel, such as ourselves.
This, however, is no laughing matter, since Earth’s commercial operations are under ceaseless attack from the Furringi, a ruthless space-faring race of beings always on the quest for greater profits by any and all means. These vile and unscrupulous “Traders” have deployed a large variety of advanced NSEO attack vectors that are actually effective against their victims, which the earthly SEO mentality is simply unable to either comprehend or process. The result is a progressive deterioration of Earth’s commercial sectors, as legitimate Earth Enterprises are increasingly falling prey to unethical and underhanded Furringi incursions.
Since our five year mission includes specific instructions to foster the technological advancement Earth’s primitive population, I have tasked our Chief Science Officer Smock with compiling and disseminating a technical manual containing advanced NSEO techniques among Earth’s Search Engine Optimizers. Our hope is that through this type of education and with the introduction of advanced NSEO concepts into their society, the Earthlings will finally be able to better defend themselves against the persistent Furringi raids.
A Copy of the NSEO Technical Manual is attached to this log entry.
